Saturday, May 08, 2004

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Recollections: Vision of Destruction

Well... you must have read about 'Visions of Destruction' (my last post). It's really very frightening. I even scared myself, seriously. But to tell you the truth, i thought it was very real. I could actually see it in my mind, everything as it happened. I knew i had to write it down, to let it out, or the anger would continue to build up within me, and perhaps the vision would actually come true.

'Visions of Destruction' is my greatest fear realised. The fear of one day actually losing control over the anger that seethes within me, and when it comes out, there literally will be destruction. As some of you would know from my earlier posts, i have unresolved anger, issues with myself that i have yet to confront. I once posted about 'the beast', but deleted it because i didn't think it had much significance at the time, but there is a need, so i'll explain it now.

I don't know if you've ever read Discworld by Terry Pratchett, particularly the issues involving Samuel Vimes and the City Watch. He (Vimes) always mentions about 'the beast', a primal part of his being, the animalistic, out of control part that rages. He often mentions how he has to metaphorically 'hold the beast back by the chain', to control it, to let it come when you call, when you need its blind fury in a fight.

Visions of Destructions shows what happens when the chain snaps, and the beast gets out full force. It listens to no reasons, follows no logic, and only knows how to destroy. and very often, as suddenly as it comes, it retreats into the dark recesses of your mind, leaving you surrounded by the carnage it has caused, literally destroying everything around you from your enemies, and sometimes even your friends.

I hope this helps you realise that perhaps even within yourself, there is this part of you that exists. It may not manifest itself in the way i see it, because only you would know what you face. it doesn't have to be 'the beast', but that's just one way of looking at it.

till next time...

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chr1s0ng put the word on the street at 8:11 PM
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