Tuesday, December 14, 2004

[transmission start]

thoughts: self-doubt...

597 East Coast Road. Christ Methodist Church Berckman Auditorium. Youth Ministry outreach / christmas service. 10.30 am. 19 Dec 2004. Will you be there?

so yeah, this is what's going on this sunday for me, but the main issue i'm dealing with is what happens saturday...

right. for those of you who don't know, i'm in charge of my church youth ministry christmas event, some outreach thingy to a home called St George's place. and you know what? i'm. just. tired. i'm worried like mad that this isn't going to work out. i can feel we're totally not ready, and everything's going to be so last minute. it's the first time i'm totally in charge of an event (i mean, the last time that i did this kind of stuff i was only helping).

there's a whirlwind of thoughts going through my head, and one that kept standing out was that after this, i was never going to do another event. ever. but that's not the attitude to take. you don't give up on a situation like this where i'm kinda demoralised about the whole thing... like i told audrey the other day... "Impossible is nothing" - addidas. (yes i know it's corny...)

everyone's been telling me it'll be ok, that i've been doing a good job and all, but you know what? i don't think so (no disrespect to june and everyone else who's been encouraging). i'm not leadership material. never was, never will be. maybe others see something different, but i don't know. Jie-jie's been telling me that i should have more confidence in myself, and i guess that's partially true. but when you know for a fact that there's only so much you're capable of then...

and i really miss jie-jie... she's in india now. doing some community project thingy. hope she's ok over there. sure, we talk less now and aren't really as close anymore now that she doesn't have that much free time cos of school and all, but yeah, things change yet somehow they stay the same.

till next time...

[transmission end]

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chr1s0ng put the word on the street at 7:42 AM
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