Tuesday, July 26, 2005

[transmission start]

thoughts: aging... and feeling jaded...

so you're wondering why the heck i'd write on aging when i'm only what? 22? but that's not the point...

they say age is relative... how old you are physically and mentally can differ... age is just a number in some area to indicate your maturity... if only it was so simple...

lately i've been feeling OLD. yes, me. now all my other friends who have more years of experience than i do should hear me out before deciding to beat 7 kinds of shit out of me (not that i'd probably have 7 kinds of shit. but you know what i mean).

OLD. not physically, but mentally i guess. it's like i've been through a lot, seen a lot but haven't discovered a lot. most people would say that i'm jaded, but this goes beyond that. it's not just being tired and disillusioned (and maybe even depressed)... i just can't really describe it. its a feeling that there just isn't anything more (but at the same time i know there's more to it than i can think of).

and sometimes, i just look back and wish life was much simpler (like people do when they wish they were younger), wish that i didn't have to go through so much shit (if anybody wishes that they were me, i'd gladly welcome you to take all the shit along with the good stuff and tell me if it's worth it)...

it's not that i'm lost or don't know where i'm going - i do. but it's just that along the way i'm looking ahead at what's to come and it just isn't very appealing. and that's why i'm feeling old i guess. because i don't want to grow up. but i will...

till next time...

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chr1s0ng put the word on the street at 6:16 PM
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