Tuesday, August 23, 2005

[transmission start]

thoughts: changing perspectives...

something happened today. something that i heard about. sad news regarding someone i know. and for reasons of confidentiality and privacy, i apologise to my readers that i'll have to be rather vague.

you know how things happen suddenly that change your perspective and outlook on life? you know how you occassionally get those moments? the ones that drag you out of your comfort zone and make you think, make you re-evaluate and re-assess? and you know how sometimes you wish that things didn't have to reach that stage before you were forced to reflect?

there are things in life that you have but yet feel you're better off without. i'm sure you've felt that way about certain things just like the way i have. and then a piece of news comes along and totally shakes up your whole perspective and outlook - only because it hits close to home and its something you can identify with, and that's what makes it so real, so personal. and then you realise that no matter how warped the sensibilities seem, you actually are quite lucky that you have that particular thing (and yet all the time you figured you were better of without it).

and yet it only stirs up something in me for a moment. a moment, and nothing more. because the overpowering desire to be without that particular item outweighs and realisation how fortunate i am to still possess it. i know it's wrong to feel the way i do. that i'm trying so hard to discard something this friend of mine was trying dearly to hold on to.

should i feel guilty? maybe. should i feel fortunate? i don't know. because i cannot help but wonder whether i would respond in the same way that he would. because though what we had is the same, the loss is different in nature. and to me maybe therein lies the difference.

and to that friend of mine, hang in there. i wish i knew what to say to make it better. but i know that there's little or nothing that i can do. i'm sorry man. i'm sorry.

till next time...

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chr1s0ng put the word on the street at 10:57 PM
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