Monday, December 19, 2005

[transmission start]

thoughts: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em...

parents. can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. was reading a friend's blog about her frustrations of her (seemingly) over-protective dad when it came to her relationship-type issues. i think at some point at (almost) everyone's life, they will feel that their parents are being overly protective.

my friend understands that her dad wants the best for her. and yet sometimes what he (and other parents) think is best for their children may not be quite the same as the perceptions of the kids themselves. now parents could say that the kids are young and probably know less than their parents do, have less experience, are less sure about life and other issues and thus they aren't fully capable of determining what's good for them (in some cases).

but sometimes i wonder. when parents impose their expectations and perceptions on issues in their kids' lives, though they claim that they want to act in their kids' interests, is it also partially in their own? like approval of relationships kind of thing, where your parents expect you to go out with people of a certain social standing.... maybe because they see it as a form of security for their kids' welfare...

but it IS true that things like this can lead them to be over-protective (and in some cases control freaks - in their kids' opinions of course), perhaps because they're afraid to lose their children to others. it's true that some 'others' (like vices and bad company) are what kids should be protected from, but 'others' like friendships and relationships aren't always a bad thing. and somehow the "over-protectiveness" really is displayed when it comes to the good kind of 'others'. and that's why the kids always get frustrated.

many metaphors have been used to describe overprotectiveness of parents - being tied down, being gripped tightly, or building up walls to keep others out. all of them point to restrictions. restrictions of freedom, of choice and of chances for the kids to live their own lives outside the shadow of their parents. and together with this, the kids always have the same idea - that their parents' overprotectiveness will eventually drive a wedge between them, creating the opposite of what the parents actually want, which is to remain close to their children.

i know for parents it's hard to let go. because you worry for your children (and maybe for yourself too if they got themselves into a mess). its true you worry because you love them (most do anyway). but sometimes you have to let go, just like when you first taught your kid to walk. if you didn't let him / her go and try on her own, stumble and fall down, pick him / herself up, they never would have learned how to walk. and just like how you were there to comfort them, encourage them and just basically be there for them, so should things be that way in the rest of life. because the rest of life is like that too - life is a journey that we all must travel.

the worst thing you can do to a kid is not let go. because if you don't, they may just shove you away to break free. a paraphrase of what Yao Ming (China's famous NBA basketball player) said to his overprotective mum: " you keep building up walls around me to protect me. but one day you may just find yourself outside one of those walls. what will you do then?"

till next time...

[transmission end]

-
chr1s0ng put the word on the street at 9:31 PM
|