Tuesday, December 06, 2005

[transmission start]

thoughts: how?

you know how sometimes you wish you could help? to say something, or do something just to make someone else feel better?

well for me i think about that all the time. really. and when that kind of thing comes around (and i can't do anything to help make that person feel better) and there's just nothing that can be done... its frustrating. that you're right there..... and helpless.

for some strange reason i've managed to do it so often for people - listen, provide suggestions, offer help / advice... and when it comes to the point it seems impossible (or impossibly difficult).... *sigh*

sometimes i wonder is it because i have to prove something to myself that's why i do it? to prove that i'm actually good at something? that i need this to boost my confidence and self-esteem? to fight my insecurities? *sigh*

sometimes there are things in life that aren't worth fighting for. things that no matter how you fight for, you end up in a lose-lose situation? everyone's just tired of it you know? i am too. maybe i didn't explode like the rest of them, but its taking its toll. its ridiculous that you end up being scolded for something that others would consider a virtue. but i never did have a 'normal' kind of life. so things like this should be expected.

till next time...

[transmission end]

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chr1s0ng put the word on the street at 9:46 PM
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